Give me some time…

20^th December 2008

Now it’s 2.45 am in the morning. My eyes refuse to sleep even I feel very sleepy. It’s like there are tons and millions of things in my head. I’ve asked myself...”why life could be so complicated at times?” I’ve asked myself so many times before and I found no answer...

Oo, it feels so chilly right now, after a few times sneezing my nose started to block..ughh..I hate nose blocking. Taking my blanket, wrap around my body and the warm is so comfy...

There are so many things happens to me lately until there are times that I cannot think straight. I really hate it when I feel like ‘lost’ and don’t know what to do. How do I deal with peoples expectations? With others hope upon me? When their expectations and hope are oppose with mine? How am I going to say ‘no’ when the person that I respect most put their hope on me? I feel like I’m lost with no answer.

How am I going to choose when I feel I’m not ready? Why I have to choose? Why now? It’s supposed to be a non-chooser thing. I have been waiting and dreaming for this thing to happen since years. Why everything seems so wrong now? No, I don’t have the answer.

And how should I feel or what should I do when I jeopardizing my heart, my intentions and most of all my feelings to something that is not certain? Why should I put myself at stake when I knew it will break my heart most? Still I found no answer.

Maybe that is what growing up is about…taking chances, taking risks and responsibility…there are times we feel like there are no answers for the questions we’ve asked our self while others can easily find the answers for us…maybe what we really need at these times is ‘time’…

It’s nearly 4 am, I better get some sleep because tomorrow I have to go to Aida’s wedding at Taiping…I bet Aida cannot sleep tonight waiting for her big day tomorrow…Hehehe (evils laugh).

Sebagai ingatan buat kita semua…

“bila engkau memandang segalanya dari tuhanmu, yang menciptakanmu, yang menimpakan ujian yang menjadikan sakit hatimu, yang membuatkan keinginanmu terhalang serta menyusahkan hidupmu, pasti akan damailah hatimu kerana DIA sengaja mentakdirkan segalanya untuk sesuatu yang sia2, bukan kerana DIA tidak tahu deritanya hidupmu, retaknya hatimu..tp mungkin kerana itulah yang DIA mahu kerana DIA tahu hatI sebegini yang selalunya lebih lunak & mudah untuk dekat dan akrab denganNYA..”